Have you ever noticed that as parents one of our most deeply embedded instincts seems to be criticizing our kids? We harp about their lack of work ethic, bemoan their obsession with technology, fret about what they don’t know how to do, and constantly correct their behavior. We wish they’d be more focused, more self-directed, more constructive; less easily distracted, less selfish, less needy…and so on.
Of course, all of this negativity comes from the best of places. We love our children, and we care even more about their well-being than we do our own. In our heart of hearts, we fear that they won’t have the right skill set to be successful adults. (Of course, this fear isn’t helped by the ever-growing legion of news stories that label the current generation “helpless,” “entitled,” “too reliant on technology,” “unable to communicate,” etc.)
Believe me. I understand. As a modern parent myself, I’ve experienced these thoughts and fears. But over the years, after watching my son grow up and after meeting many more young people around the country, I’ve come to the realization that despite what our instincts are telling us, we don’t need to hammer our kids into what we think they need to be. That way leads to misery for us (as we spend every second worrying that our kids won’t be “okay”) and for them (as they constantly struggle to be viewed as “good enough”). What we do need is a shift in perception.
We need to realize that (here’s the aha! moment) we view the world through a different lens than our kids do—because the world has changed since we were their age and is continuing to change every day. Our perception comes from the things our generation valued, which are not necessarily valued today.
To be clear, I’m not talking about character traits like integrity, honesty, dedication, and so on. Core values like these have been prized for millennia, and I don’t see that changing. I’m talking about the skill sets our kids will need to succeed in tomorrow’s world. For instance, to compete in the global marketplace, they’ll need to communicate and collaborate in ways we’ve never had to. They’ll need to be highly technologically literate. The traditional “Three Rs” of education will still be important, but they will need to be supplemented by a host of “soft” skills that weren’t widely emphasized when we were entering the workforce.
Here’s my point: To stop worrying and criticizing our kids so much, we need to shift the way we think about them, their development, and their generation’s eventual place in the world. Here is a great article from Slate that will help you make this mental shift. It gives you a new way to think about all the things your kids are doing RIGHT and how they fit into this new 21st-century world. And it frees you up to find happiness with your kids instead of agonizing over them and crushing their self-esteem.
After reading this highly entertaining, eye-opening, and timely article, I hope you’ll agree with me that, much more than you may have supposed, the kids really are okay.
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