Tomorrow is Halloween, a day when kids (and adults!) across America wear masks. It’s fun to “become” a superhero, a werewolf, a princess, a robot, a witch, or something else entirely, simply by putting on a costume. And it’s nearly as fun to observe others’ costumes, identifying who or what each person is supposed to be. I’m looking forward to seeing what my neighborhood’s trick-or-treaters have in store this year!
Thinking about Halloween costumes over the past few days has led me to consider something more serious, though: the concept of masks in general. On October 31, it’s easy to tell when someone is wearing a mask. Throughout the other 364 days of the year, however, masks aren’t so obvious—but they are common.
As many people go through life, for a variety of reasons, they feel compelled to “be” someone they’re not. Are you one of them? You might wear a mask all the time, or only in certain situations. You might be trying to please others, to make them believe a certain thing, or to keep a secret. You may be using your mask as a defense mechanism. You might even be trying to prevent yourself from having to face the truth. Here are a few examples of what I mean:
- John is dissatisfied with his career, doesn’t feel challenged, and is sick of having to stroke his egotistical boss’s ego. But when he walks into his office building every day, he puts on the mask of an engaged worker. In order to maintain the status quo (and keep his job), he has mastered the ability to seem interested and eager when he’s anything but.
- Stacy has been married to Travis for years, but still isn’t comfortable around his parents. During family visits, she downplays her political beliefs, dampens her humor, and bites her tongue in an attempt not to offend her set-in-their-ways, judgmental in-laws. The Stacy whom Travis’s parents think they know is a complete fake.
- Ella has been battling breast cancer for several years. She often feels discouraged, defeated, and lacking in hope. However, her friends and family members describe her as the most optimistic, upbeat person they know. Why? Ella feels that it isn’t fair to drag others down and believes that she isn’t “supposed to” show any signs of giving up, so she buries her negative feelings deep inside while pasting on a smile.
- Keith, a high school junior, isn’t very popular. He is deeply hurt when his classmates tease him about the clothes he wears and the comic books he reads, and he dreads walking into school each morning. However, he usually throws his classmates’ name-calling and insults back in their faces. He is known as “that wisecracking kid who doesn’t care what anybody thinks.”
- Marian’s friends think that she lives a charmed life. Her house is immaculate, her clothes are stylish, and each batch of professional-quality pictures of her children that she posts on Facebook are more adorable than the last. What Marian’s friends can’t tell from external appearances is that Marian is miserable because she is on the verge of a divorce, and two of her children are driving her over the edge as well.
If you’re wearing a mask in your daily life, you may be tempted to tell yourself that “it’s for the best”—that it’s worth putting on an act of some kind in order to avoid confrontation and judgment while earning the approval of others. That’s exactly what I told myself in the years leading up to my breakdown. Deep down, I knew that the anxiety and unhappiness I felt wasn’t healthy, but I simply couldn’t face the possibility of being anyone other than the upbeat, workaholic golden boy so many people expected me to be. At that time, I didn’t love and respect myself enough to honor what I was truly feeling, and I managed to convince myself that I could keep up the act forever.
As I eventually learned the hard way, there are consequences to wearing a mask. Masks prevent you from living fully and authentically. They limit your potential and rob you of joy while compounding your feelings of inadequacy, helplessness, unworthiness, and more.
Please trust me when I say: While taking off your masks may seem frightening, painful, and/or unwise, it’s one of the best things you can do for your health, your ultimate peace of mind, and your future. Being authentic is the only way to live the full, abundant, and satisfying life you were always meant to live. (For an in-depth look at how to begin removing your masks, review my posts on creating a more authentic life with yourself, your spouse, and your friends.)
So friends—I hope you enjoy wearing whatever mask you like tomorrow on Halloween. But after the tricks, treats, and parties are over, I hope you’ll make a genuine effort to put masks away until next October 31. If you do, I promise that the next year will be more full of growth, opportunity, and fulfillment than you ever thought possible.
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